I chose Psalm 18: 25-36, which states:
I was sitting in chapel at NCU one day, and I felt like I needed to pray about some decisions (and other things) that I needed an answer for. I prayed something along the lines of: “Lord, I really don’t deserve an answer right at this moment, but if You could just provide some sort of an answer for me sometime, that’d be helpful.” I then left it at that and continued on with my day. Later that same day, I went to go pick up my brother from Northwestern and was hanging out in one of the buildings (reading) until he got out of class. People would pass by me occasionally, and as they did, I would look up and respond with a quick “Hi” and a smile (in which they would sometimes respond back). At one point, this girl passed by me and I reacted just as I had with everyone else who had walked by, and then I continued to read. But then I noticed that the girl had turned around and was headed toward me, so I thought, “Maybe she recognizes me or something.”
I sort of forgot that I had prayed/asked for an answer earlier!
“Excuse me,” she said. “I’m sorry to interrupt and I hope that this isn’t out of place or anything, but I just felt like the Lord was telling me that you are His Faithful Servant, and He just wanted you to know that.” (Ok, let me tell you, I was so shocked). That really means a lot to me,” to which she replied, “You’re welcome” and told me to have a good rest of my day. I responded “You too” and then she left. I immediately called some of my friends to tell them what happened (very quickly I might add because my phone was about to die) and they were all amazed when I told them. In fact, it still hits me even while writing about it now! 🙂
You see, in a way, this was my answer. When I prayed during chapel earlier that day, I didn’t think I deserved an answer because I hadn’t really been paying attention to the person speaking. (I was on my phone the whole time (guilty. ) and besides, I hadn’t really been seeking the Lord anyway, so I definitely didn’t feel like I deserved an answer at all). Not only was this my answer, but I didn’t think it would come so fast! I wasn’t expecting it! What are the odds that I would be at my brother’s school (which I didn’t even attend), and this girl would pass by me at that particular time and talk to me?! I’ve never even met her before! Woah! That’s so the Lord’s hand working! 🙂
Not long before this God-encounter happened, I was assigned to find a “psalm that articulates something that you feel” and then share it in my Performance Prep class. I had sort of forgotten about it, so when it came time for me to share, I kind of chose something rather quickly before class began.
As I reflect back on the moment now, I wonder if the specific words that I used weren’t said how I wanted them to have been said. I also wonder if I should have continued the conversation and asked the lady if she wanted to make Jesus the Lord and Savior of her life. what is the new badoo At times, I even feel like Satan is continuing to fill my head with “what if” thoughts to try and convince me that what I did for this lady doesn’t matter. But then I am reminded of this: It does matter. Sure, it doesn’t matter about the exact word choices that I may have used. What matters more is that I was obedient enough to plant the seed. I hope and pray that the Lord will cause it to grow by bringing other people into the lady’s life to help it do so.
If I can be vulnerable with all of you for a moment, I’ll be honest in saying that after relying on the Lord to carry me through the challenge of my recital, I sort of stopped relying on Him. I’m ashamed in admitting that this actually happens quite a lot in my life. It seems that I rely on Him only when things get really hard. It’s not supposed to be this way though! I should be relying on the Lord all the time (especially now that I’m out of college)! I should be relying on Him for everything! I need to trust Him with my future because I really don’t know what the future holds for me. Some things are clear, but most of it really isn’t. I should be trusting Him to lead and guide me, but it’s no small, easy task. I always want to try to do things in my own understanding and with my own strength, but every time I try to do so, I realize that I can’t. I just end up feeling lost and simply idling through life (like the song “The Motions” by Matthew West). Here’s an example: